Hi assalamualaikum!
Writing is actually tiring isnt it? We (I mean, me, but yeah I knowww you have the same thought too sometimes righttt hehehehe) thought that writing is so easy because we dont need to open up our mouth to form the exact words, or sentences hence requires less energy...but is it really true?
Because writing our thought down, to express our deep thoughts into words...I dont think thats actually easy. Moreover, it couldve make us forgot what we wanted to write what we wanted to write 5 mins ago and ended-up writing different bunch of things. Yes, like what Ive always experienced. Especially, when it comes to blogging.
Oh my God see? I'm rambling. Totally out of the topic that I wanted to write. Hahahahaaha
Soooo, just a few minutes ago I had a sudden realization on whats currently happening to me, to my life. Its like Allah has shown me the light that Ive been searching for all this while; the light that would be a turning-point (insya-Allah) to a better Aida..
I have no idea how bad a person could be, even when the society labelled him as a saint. Probably because I was too blind by the label that was given to him; making me temporarily forgot about the fact that even a saint, could be a sinner during the night when everyone couldnt see him. Or maybe he sins, in front of the society, in front of the public, but since I'm too engrossed with the fact that he's a saint, I overlooked that fact..that single fact that couldve changed so much perspective in my life.
That no one, could ever be as perfect as a saint. Somehow, in someway, one will have that uncountable, or maybe just one, flaw that destroy the image of perfection.
But its up to Him, who will decides whether to grace us with His mercy on showering His blessings upon us by concealing the flaws in front of society, or not.
And come on, Allah has always been lenient towards us right? So yes, as someone who depends on His mercies to live, to survive this temporary dunya, most of my flaws too, has been concealed from the public view by Him.
Allahuakbar. Isnt He the Most Gracious ever? The Most Merciful, not to mention, the Most Loving ever.
He knows we wouldnt survived if all of our flaws are exposed like a plate of fried rice on the dining table, risking the chances that it'd be surrounded by the flies or the bacteria from the passerby's sneezes or coughs,
no, of course the fried rice wouldnt be eaten as heartily as the one that kept under the tudung saji,
but yeah, thats what I'm trying to say,
without His protection, we wouldve been nothing.
We wouldve been exposed to the flies, just like the uncovered fried rice,
I hope I get some of my points across, just wanted to clear all your perceptions on me thinking that I'm someone who has meet the definition of perfect, because I dont.
There are lot of things Ive done in my life, one that I regretted, one that makes me want to turn back the time, few that I still keep hidden in my closet, and truthfully, if you asked me to name one of it, I'd fake fainting immediately, just so I could get away from your question. Yes, its that bad.
So please, please see me as a human, as someone whos struggling on her daily basis of life, to become someone thats so much better than before.
Please see me as someone, who is an emotional-wrecked, whose feelings sometimes cannot be controlled as I could be somewhat impulsive and soo stupid. Seriously,
Please see me as someone who despite everything that has ever happened to her, despite each lessons that has been given to her, she just dont get it. She still dont get the reasons behind it. Not because shes ignorant, but because shes waiting for the right kind of wake-up call. Probably, harsher ones that has ever been given to her. And yes, shes just dumb like that at times. She knows that that is like the most stupid reason ever someone could have, but unfortunately, she is stupid. I am stupid, in some ways tho. (sighed)
And lastly, please see me as someone, that despite all of her flaws, her unreasonable behaviour, her rude attitude, that beneath all that, she's still someone who cares for you, a lot. Like a lot you wouldnt know how much she really cares about you. Please see her as someone that loves you, as someone that wants the best for you, although at times, you can feel her taking you for granted.
Although at times, she showers you affection in totally wrong ways. Bad ways even.
If you could see all that in me, I'd say, you truly deserved my apology. Sincerely from me. Deepest from my heart, I'm sorry. Because I know youre worth it. For someone who are seriously willing to look pass all my terrible imperfections as a human being, you're definitely worth it. Thank you. Alhamdulillah.
