I always have something against putting down someone's worth. No matter how much I want to forget him, to get rid of this feeling, in the end I think I'll just let Allah handle this one. I'm too weak for this. I cant. I thought I'm stronger than this but I'm not. I cant. I seriously cant. Im not as strong as I think I am. Listing down all his flaws its like rejecting His creature. Who am I to do that when I too am not a perfect human?
I just want this feeling to go away. I really do. Its, a toxic. Its not good for me. I'm better off without it. There's nothing good will come out of this. Oh Allah I know this one is totally on me; it is I who choose to dwell with fire but ya Allah, I'm afraid of the burn. I'm truly scared for this aftermath. Help me ya Allah. May my heart and I survived this situation.
I rarely ask for this but Allah, please please please, please help me to get through this. I can now see why You've waited for this long and only let me taste it now. I now know why it is such a forbidden thing for me so far; I cant handle it. Please Allah please let me go of this mess just this once, I'm just not prepared for the heat afterwards. I'm too weak for that. Only to You I surrender.
Something Wonderful
27.11.15
24.3.15
Ocean's tides, metaphorically of course.
Assalamualaikum and hi, hope you're doing fine; whoever you are (:
I'm at the phase where every choices I choose, every actions I take and every words I said matters. Matters a lot in fact. Matters too much to other people around me that sometimes it drives me crazy on how things seem so complicated than it was before.
In fact, it really drives me crazy that there were those times(and still are) where I'll just sit still and let my mind wandering around, totally abandoning my phone. Well of course that didn't went well every time since my parents are mostly a busy pair and they need me to keep in touch with my phone to check on my other siblings every second. Almost.
So, what to do, uninstalled all the apps on my phone? Checked. But then that didn't work too.
It's just what I want to stress on over here, the thing that makes me feel drowning each time is the adult phase.
Like you know, I'm almost 18, I should have known what to do, how to act and which to prioritize right? Wrong. I didn't, in fact I still don't.
Being 18 is not a magical phase where suddenly you managed to figure it all out. Your life choices, your college/uni matter, your clothes, your job nor your menu for lunch. No.
It's a hard work to do where we just have to learn step by step, the problem is living in the era of modern technology, (I'm not pointing this out to rant about how my parents are being unfair and making me feel depressed blablabla no, actually they are awesome thank you very much especially my mum but of course there are those times, those moments where you are the one who's being ungrateful of everything thus this blog post) people around you has a knack of especially to our batch, the teenagers, they just think that OF COURSE, THEY MUST HAVE KNOWN. YOU GUYS KAN ADA INTERNET; SEMUA DI HUJUNG JARI.
GOOGLE LA.
Sorry I was just, yknow 12 hours of working sometimes make me a real grumpy person plus it was really cold (see? Ungrateful kid at its best) I couldnt feel the heat of my hands. So yeah, sometimes I just feel lost and clueless about everything, but what the heck man, its life, what else can I do other than keep going on living it? Its my life anyway. If I didnt make the best out of it, who else would? Its up to me. In the end, its me whos gonna live with the consequences, whether its the bad or the goods, God knows I dont know.
Thats the thing; no one knows. No one, will ever know. C'est la vie, cheers.
I'm at the phase where every choices I choose, every actions I take and every words I said matters. Matters a lot in fact. Matters too much to other people around me that sometimes it drives me crazy on how things seem so complicated than it was before.
In fact, it really drives me crazy that there were those times(and still are) where I'll just sit still and let my mind wandering around, totally abandoning my phone. Well of course that didn't went well every time since my parents are mostly a busy pair and they need me to keep in touch with my phone to check on my other siblings every second. Almost.
So, what to do, uninstalled all the apps on my phone? Checked. But then that didn't work too.
It's just what I want to stress on over here, the thing that makes me feel drowning each time is the adult phase.
Like you know, I'm almost 18, I should have known what to do, how to act and which to prioritize right? Wrong. I didn't, in fact I still don't.
Being 18 is not a magical phase where suddenly you managed to figure it all out. Your life choices, your college/uni matter, your clothes, your job nor your menu for lunch. No.
It's a hard work to do where we just have to learn step by step, the problem is living in the era of modern technology, (I'm not pointing this out to rant about how my parents are being unfair and making me feel depressed blablabla no, actually they are awesome thank you very much especially my mum but of course there are those times, those moments where you are the one who's being ungrateful of everything thus this blog post) people around you has a knack of especially to our batch, the teenagers, they just think that OF COURSE, THEY MUST HAVE KNOWN. YOU GUYS KAN ADA INTERNET; SEMUA DI HUJUNG JARI.
GOOGLE LA.
Sorry I was just, yknow 12 hours of working sometimes make me a real grumpy person plus it was really cold (see? Ungrateful kid at its best) I couldnt feel the heat of my hands. So yeah, sometimes I just feel lost and clueless about everything, but what the heck man, its life, what else can I do other than keep going on living it? Its my life anyway. If I didnt make the best out of it, who else would? Its up to me. In the end, its me whos gonna live with the consequences, whether its the bad or the goods, God knows I dont know.
Thats the thing; no one knows. No one, will ever know. C'est la vie, cheers.